What Happens in the Forest, Stays in the Forest
by Anastazia du Beaumont
Summary: Hagrid has a deep, dark and utterly dirty secret. In the Forbidden Forest, he'll expose it to yet another unsuspecting victim.


"ALROIGH' KIDS," came Hagrid's booming voice, interrupting my day-dreams about Oliver Wood, who stood just a few paces in front of me. "Today, we'll be lookin' for Blast-Ended Skrewts! The dozy creatures escaped their pen last noigh', and we gotta round 'em up before noigh'fall! Get ter work!"

Absent-mindedly, I strolled off with Hermione, Lavender and the girls to pick up the skrewts, which slithered all over the lawns.

"Oh my God," I overheard Lavender telling Parvarti. "Ron's dick is so… Amazing. It's seriously as thick as the Whomping Willow's trunk! I was traumatised at first, but then I took a Jaw Locker Sherbert Bomb, you know, the Weasley product? Anyway, it let me unlock my jaw, and after that we were fine," she giggled. I shuddered, more about Lavender's disgusting revelations than for the chilly cold. Stupidly, I'd left my robes upstairs, and after Peeves had put a shrinking hex on all my clothes, my skirt and white shirt clung to my body uncomfortably. Out of the corner of my eye, I could swear I noticed Professor Hagrid watching me, his pointed, pink tongue darting to lick fat, purple lips. I cringed, and began to distance myself from both the gaggle of giggling girls and from Hagrid, to the outskirts of the Forbidden Forest.

I was lingering within the trees when I spotted a skrewt wriggling past, and bent to retrieve it. It was at that precise moment when I heard an almighty roar, and turned just in time to see Hagrid's lumbering figure come charging at me from behind!

"Professor! Wh-what are you doing?" I shrieked as he heaved me over his shoulder and swept deeper into the forest, dumping me in a secluded ditch and leering over me, his giant hands fumbling to rip at my clothes.

"I'VE WAITED A LONG TIME TO GET YER ALONE, MISSY!" he growled. "YER MIGHT SAY, THIS IS WHAT I'D SEE IF I LOOKED IN THE MIRROR OF ERISED?" He cackled maniacally at his own witty joke, then screamed in anger as his oafish hands couldn't manage the buttons and buckles to my uniform! He whipped out his pink umbrella and muttered, "_Bombarda Minora_!" causing my top to burst off and my skirt to rip to pieces.

"Hehehehehehe, YES! YEEES!" he cried! "These MOUTH-WATERIN' rock cakes!" And he began groping and fondling me with his massive, saucepan hands!

"Professor, PLEASE!" I sobbed! "Why!?"

He ignored me, and instead ripped off his moleskin pants to reveal a hideous, _MONSTROUS_ penis, the size of which I'd never seen in all my years at Hogwarts… And I was the school slut! His 'wand' must be three times bigger than the Whomping Willow's trunk, and therefore God knows how much bigger than Ronald Weasley's!

"Oh, GOD!" I screamed in horror, scrambling to get free.

He smirked sheepishly, pulling me back. "I may be a bit too big for yer! Sorry, it's the giant blood in me. But don' worry! I know a few spells that'll fix this little doohickie right up!"

Again, he whipped out his pink umbrella, and, aiming between my legs, cried, "_ENGORGIO_!" I shrieked as I felt my legs and everything in-between expand!

"_Lubricatio_!" he shouted afterwards, lube flying everywhere! "And finally, a special lil' trick I had my ol' friend Aragog teach me," he said menacingly, pulling up his sleeves and wiggling eight of his podgy fingers. "Aragog is quite the sex expert, ya' know? Stuck down there all day, with all those horny lady spiders? What's a spider to do? The eight finger shredder oughta LOOSEN YA' UP!" He gave me a wink, and a grin, and then leered over me threateningly, lowering his giant fingers closer and closer to my vagina!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! GOD, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I shrieked! And then, with a blinding green light, I heard Oliver Wood yell, "_AVADA KEDAVRA_!"

There was a moment of painful silence as Hagrid swayed over the top of me, his face a mask of sickening delight and shock, and then he lurched forward. I scurried to escape his falling bulk, but my legs were caught under his weight!

"_Accio corpse_," Oliver muttered, freeing me from the captor, and he guided the floating, half naked body of what was once Professor Hagrid to a neighbouring ditch.

"Oh my God, Oliver! He was going to rape me! He…He was-"

"It's okay, Cloe. It's okay!" Oliver soothed, taking off his robe and wrapping it around my bruised body. "I've been watching him for months, just biding my time and wondering whether I should report him to Dumbledore. He's a serial rapist, Cloe, the man was a psycho! That's why he's been to Azkaban so many times, not because of being accused of being the heir of Slytherin, or for owning a pet dragon, for being a rapist. I'm almost positive he's used the _engorgio_ spell on Penelope Clearwater, Romilda Vane and so many others. But I can't PROVE it! The giant bastard is gifted at memory charms, and always makes sure he leaves no trace of evidence! I was sure he was going to target you next, when I saw him eyeing you today."

"Oh, Wood! What'll we do!?"

And then he guided me up to the Gryffindor common room, where we got totally wasted off Firewhiskey and he smashed me with his Godric Gryffindor Sword all night long. And it was 74937693 times bigger than the Whomping Willow's trunk, and thankfully, with Hagrid's _engorgio_ charm still in effect, that wasn't a problem at all ;)

The End.


End file.
